Corby…the name says it all!
Welcome to Hell! That is what an unknown graffiti artist daubed in red on the walls of Corby bus station. He was right.
In the early 1900’s, Corby was a small and sleepy village located in the north of Northamptonshire, surrounded by farmland and quarries. Sometime later, Samuel & Lloyd have built a steelworks near the village where iron ore was discovered. The establishment of this business prompted many Scottish and Irish manual workers to migrate to Corby due to the lack of employment in their areas of origin. Due to the lack of accommodation in the town, the parish council had no option but to expand the village so the workers didn’t have to sleep in hedges and nearby pubs. Thus, many houses, shops and roads were built to cope with the new threshold population. The village became to be known as ‘Lil Scotland’ due to the growing Scottish community.
Sooner or later, Corby became a New Town. It created opportunities for growth and employment, despite the fact that it was surrounded by pollution created by the steelworks. A railway station, leisure facilities, a town centre was even built, as well as many schools. Corby was the place to be.
But that didn’t last. In the late 1970’s, a bitch called Margaret Thatcher became the country’s first female Prime Minister. Now what I’m going to say next is the reason why women should not have that kind of power. As well as fighting over a big piece of rock situated miles off the Argentinean coast, she opted to close down the steelworks, which caused controversy and a huge outcry from the people of Corby. As a result, a huge protest followed which was unsuccessful. The steelworks closed which created a negative multiplier effect…and this is when the Chavs began to rise from the s**t.
As unemployment rose, there was little hope for this town. As Corby declined in “coolness”, the number of disadvantaged families grew by the dozen, some were the perfect Chav family, scarred by marital issues and unsafe sex. You will always get the lazy alcoholic father, the battle-axe mother, and the druggie and truant kids who love nothing more than to roam the streets and act hard. This is due to the fact the parents can’t be bothered to bring them up with respect and boundaries. Some of their activities are to just hang around and start on their unsuspecting victims which range from the middle-aged to the “grebos”. It’s like Grand Theft Auto here since some chavs like to drive their dirt bikes anywhere they please. What “wankas”! As I lay in bed at night, all I can hear is boy-racers speed at 50 mph down a road designated as a 20 mph limit.
You could call Corby a chavs urban paradise. The town has a reputation for being an unfit town plagued by social issues. Many years ago it was revealed that Corby had one of the highest teenage pregnancy rates in the country which is hardly surprising. Chavs have no morals when it comes to sex. Thing is, who would want to bang a chavette from Corby? They are ugly, have stupid hair, and could compete for the Gobbiest Minger Award. Due to the fact that they are stupid enough not to consider contraception, the other residents have to endure more chav offspring, and a huge chunk of their pay check to pay for their fags and Irn-Bru. If you go down to the town centre at about 11am, you can see all the 14-year old chavettes pushing prams with a cigarette in one hand, dressed in New Look clothes or the classic tracksuit from All-sports for under a tenner. While there, you can see them gobbing off in small groups outside the shops or in the local “Mickey D’s”, whereas the chavs will be too busy committing petty crimes or working at McDonald’s or even looking for something to steal. It should be noted that 90% of the Corby population are “chavvy” so all you can see is baseball caps and tracksuits galore! To see chavs doing their shopping, nip down to Argos where you can see a big line of them holding slips for sovereign rings and chunky gold jewellery.
To see them in their natural habitat, go off to the Lincoln or Kingswood estates where you will see as many chavs as ants in an ant’s nest. These estates are plagued by anti-social behaviour, graffiti, and drugs. Hardly surprising since the estates have changed into what may resemble a ghetto. Walls are broken down and the houses are in need of refurbishment and repair. Street lighting here is as rare as the next appearance of Jesus Christ. Here you can see the little brats lobbing Irn-Bru bottles, kicking footballs against garage doors, riding motorbikes, and just plain hanging out in the streets in all their “hoody-wanka”. Be careful where you park your car as they will be vulnerable to Chavs who feel that stealing your car or committing theft will relieve them off their relative deprivation. If this happens to you, always check the Boating Lake first.
Due to the amount of Chav families in Corby, there are dozens of restaurants on each road and street offering cheap grub like kebabs and chips. Every time I walk down Rockingham Road, I can see the little scallies on their mountain bikes that race down and drop their bikes onto the ground before entering the chippy. They will be here “mouthing” off before chucking their litter anywhere but a litter bin, so everyone has to walk through piles of soggy leftover chips. And if you’re lucky, they might just swear at you, call you names or even try to spit at you. This is their way of saying “Hello. Welcome to Corby”. If the restaurants are not enough, there’s always Lidl and Aldi offering 20p cans of baked beans, or even Asda who sell the most appalling fruit and vegetables and meat in the world. Asda is also home to the largest stock of Irn-Bru in England.
Many of the places where you can find the little buggers is Stephenson Way, Rockingham Road, the Co-op near Willow brook Road, Studfall Avenue (where some chavettes will ask you to buy fags for them since they are too fat and lazy to get some, or pregnant), Gainsborough Road, Wick Close, and just anywhere in the Lincoln and Kingswood estates.
Some of the pubs here are a bit too rough. Every Saturday night there’s chaos out in the town, as every chav in town go out and do what they are good at: fighting. In the Old Village and just any club or pub in town, you can guarantee snow on the toilet seat, garage music and gangs of hard-nuts. The chavettes will also be here in all their tartyness trying to get laid. Somehow, the condom machines are hardly used due to inadequate sex education courses at the local schools. Either that or the people here have their “common sense button” switched off. If you want to listen to crap RnB music and watch chavs mingle with chavettes, go to Storm. If not you could go to Life, but sadly, this chav free nightspot, was burnt down due to an electrical fault. Rumor has it that it will be rebuilt and renamed “The Phoenix”.
Corby has many schools. Most of them are pretty crap. I had the opportunity to visit the Pope John’s school which to many teachers is the school from hell. The kids practically run this school and run riot. Before it was shut down, teachers had to lock classroom doors-this is true! Like most places in Corby, the school walls were daubed in graffiti and, come to think of it, it was like Bash Street School. Not surprisingly, the school was slammed by Ofsted inspectors and exam results were shocking and mediocre. Well what would you expect? Corby is a chav town where not many people place value on their education. So as a result, Corby remains a working class urban area where most people have manual jobs. Manual jobs that a chimp could easily do. But thank God for the CTC which provides hope for the future of many students in Corby, which is now run by a totalitarian tyrant.
Being a police officer or a fireman is not a simple task if you’re servicing Corby. Arson attacks keep the firemen busy 24/7 since chavs have nothing better to do than to conduct experiments which involve setting fire to people’s property. I should also mention that there’s hardly anything to do in this town except for fighting, vandalising, giving people grief, taking drugs, or reproducing even more chavs, which thus creates a longer line at the welfare office, which is just across from one of the roughest pubs in Corby: The Corinthian. If you want to be a police officer in Corby, be prepared for a 24 hour long headache as crime is a big hobby for many people in this declining industrial town. I have been a victim of crime once. This little scally threw a rock at my face so I got off my BMX and pinned him against a car whilst telling him off. The little bastard buggered off crying saying that he was going to get his father onto me. I snorted then went back inside to watch Aliens. The next day, his brother came out (who is probably the most narcissistic and ignorant and most ugly chav I have ever seen) and gave me a gash above the eyebrow. It seemed the evil lying bugger told him that I had hit him. When approached by my mother and brother the ugly bastard went round in circles explaining everything, which just shows how dumb he is. I should also mention this guy thinks he’s rock hard-probably because he supports Chelsea and wears cheap sports clothes and swigs Irn-Bru all day. He is a fine example of what I have to deal with-stupid, disrespectful chavs!
So what do we expect from Corby? Not much. The town has recently been voted the “9th Worst Town in the UK”. The top spot being claimed, by Hull. All we can blame is the Tories and the chavs who have turned a town that had so much potential into an urban nightmare or as I like to call it…a ghetto. With all the teenage mothers, crime and lack of jobs, there is not much hope for Corby, unless something is done about the scallies that are tearing the town apart. However, a Regeneration program is underway, and with Chicago School optimism, it might just minimize the problems Corby already faces. However, I don’t have much faith in the Labour controlled Council who do nothing but waste time and money.
Posted by… A Nony Mous (Grew up here and managed to escape when I was 16)
PS… Somebody mentioned last year or so that the town is now prosperous!!! As a new cinema and a Wetherspoon is opening up. Well Hot Diggly Dog… Corby gets its first official indoor horse trough. The Chavs and the Shell suits will love that.
I am off for a wander to my local bar now to down a chilled bottle or two of “Irn-Bru” (Just off Highway 1, Sugar Loaf Key, Florida)…
