These were posted on an Australian tourism website, and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins!)
________________________________________________
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown, and then just sit around watching them die.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Af-ri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aust-ra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not …
Oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA)
A: Face south, and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
_________________________________________________
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is …
Oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
__________________________________________________
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
__________________________________________________
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
__________________________________________________
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled, and make good pets.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
__________________________________________________
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
__________________________________________________
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France)
A: Only at Christmas.
__________________________________________________
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
-
Meta
Contact
Categories
Archives
-
Recent Posts
- Colossal database of stolen passwords appears online 9 July 2024
- Pen Farthing – Veteran RM writes book about Afghan rescue operation 8 July 2024
- What is a “Crown Censure” 8 July 2024
- Marines’ anti-knife crime drive comes to Leeds gym 8 July 2024
- Marine trainers not ‘expected’ to yell at recruits 8 July 2024
- Who is Your Local MP Now – UK Elections Results 2024 5 July 2024
- FBI offers £4m reward in hunt for fugitive ‘Cryptoqueen’ – One of Ten FBI Most Wanted 27 June 2024
- POST OFFICE ENQUIRY 25 June 2024
- Westminster Accounts Search 24 June 2024
- Woke airline pilot union demands end of word ‘cockpit’ in order for better ‘equality’ 21 June 2024
- The state of Louisiana is Posting the 10 Commandments on its borders on huge billboards 21 June 2024
- IMPLICIT SUBMISSION 14 June 2024
- Johnny Mercer – STAND YOUR GROUND 7 June 2024
- Eleven things you might not know about D-Day 7 June 2024
- D-DAY VETERANS NOW AND THEN – 80th ANNIVERSARY 6th JUNE 2024 7 June 2024
- Hero Royal Marine is cleared after being held in Dubai jail for seven months for ‘spying’ 7 June 2024
- UK Navy Hero detained in Dubai for SEVEN MONTHS after being accused of spying 5 June 2024
- ARC Flamethrower vs X15 Flamethrower vs. XL18 Flamethrower 29 May 2024
- New Robot Makes Soldiers Obsolete 29 May 2024
- Treloars School pupils, Knowingly Infected with Factor 8 14 May 2024
Recent Comments
- Teflon on Book or manage a booster dose of the coronavirus (COVID-19) vaccine
- Photos from Darell`s Day 2016 | LocknLoad on Darell’s Day – Sunday 3rd July 2016
- bunky on Elementary, Corp Pin query…
- Teflon on Rodders & Searle get Their Recognition (inc Chairman`s Report)
- rodders on Rodders & Searle get Their Recognition (inc Chairman`s Report)
- bunky on Royal Marines Room Landguard Fort… update…
- Teflon on Elementary, Corp Pin query…
- Teflon on Elementary, Corp Pin query…
- bunky on Elementary, Corp Pin query…
- Teflon on FLIGHT MH370… 2 Scenarios…
Radio Caroline Flashback
Vets Videos
LBC Radio Player
Falklands Island Radio
Sky News Live
VLC Streaming
Tactical Gear Shop