{"id":380,"date":"2012-05-05T13:08:24","date_gmt":"2012-05-05T12:08:24","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/?p=380"},"modified":"2012-05-05T13:08:24","modified_gmt":"2012-05-05T12:08:24","slug":"if-youre-are-or-was-squaddie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/?p=380","title":{"rendered":"If You\u2019re are or Was Squaddie"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re are or was squaddie, then you must be able to relate to at least 5 of these<\/strong>
\nIf your a Bootneck<\/strong><\/h1>\n

You will relate to all of them<\/strong><\/h1>\n

You know you’ve been Defence institutionalised (Made military) when…You use target indication to point out hot chicks…<\/p>\n

You use the term ‘chicks’<\/p>\n

You insist on dancing like a dick, whilst your civvie mates insist on trying to dance ‘properly’.<\/p>\n

Your civvie mates don’t understand any of the terminology you use such as ‘no dramas’, ‘squared away’, ‘take a knee’ etc….<\/p>\n

You can’t help saying ‘Roger’, ‘Say again’ and other snappy bits of VP<\/p>\n

You use acronyms thinking your civvie mates will understand what you are talking about<\/p>\n

You don’t have any civvie mates….<\/p>\n

You cringe, and mutter under your breath ‘haircut’, when you see men with long hair.<\/p>\n

You walk at a ridiculous pace and are physically incapable of walking at the shopping pace of your girlfriend.<\/p>\n

You refer to personal organisation as ‘admin’<\/p>\n

Your girlfriend is stored in your mobile phone address book as ‘Zero Alpha’<\/p>\n

You use patrol hand signals in a night club if people can’t hear you<\/p>\n

You always use the 24 hour clock….<\/p>\n

Nothing soldiers do shocks you any more….<\/p>\n

You can’t watch war movies without giving a running commentary.<\/p>\n

People in prison have more contact with women than you do….<\/p>\n

Whenever you spell something out you use the phonetic alphabet….<\/p>\n

You don’t trust your mum\/wife\/girlfriend\/any woman to iron your kit because deep down you think that your ironing is better….<\/p>\n

You point using your whole hand in a karate chop motion….<\/p>\n

You find that the conversation somehow always comes back round to you, because you’re more interesting than most topics of conversation….<\/p>\n

You think not shaving is a treat….<\/p>\n

You get really irritated when people you don’t know call you ‘mate’….<\/p>\n

You can read a junk mail catalogue from cover to cover and refer to everything that is useful as a Gucci bit of kit.<\/p>\n

You refer to smoke as ‘a double edged sword’.<\/p>\n

You spend hours wondering where in civvie street you can get an equal disposable income and at least 6 weeks holiday a year, by completing an inversely proportionally tiny amount of tangible work<\/p>\n

Your blood boils when you see civvies wearing DPM.<\/p>\n

Going out on Thursday ‘international army night out’ wherever it may be, or whichever course one is on, involves forming the ring-of-steel, talking about ourselves and the army and aggressively staring at girls; who if they don’t immediately come over are obviously lesbians.<\/p>\n

Should any man dare break this ritual, and despite talking to the prettiest of girls – as we would like to do, if it weren’t for the fact we tend to chew our own tongues and dribble – he is clearly gay!<\/p>\n

You come out in a cold sweat if you find yourself still working after lunch on a Friday….<\/p>\n

You have to stop work at 10am for NAAFI break or else you might not make it to lunch….<\/p>\n

At least half of your DVD collection are war movies….<\/p>\n

Even though your disposable income is twice that of a civvie you still manage to spend it all, every month, with nothing to show for it, about a week after you’ve told all your soldiers that you ‘can’t believe how much money they waste on the urine’….<\/p>\n

You feel guilty about wearing jeans in front of senior officers in the mess<\/p>\n

The sight of rolling countryside makes you scan for ‘enemy depth’….<\/p>\n

You think that eating every meal for a week with the same spoon that you licked clean and kept in the pocket of the same shirt you’ve worn all week is perfectly normal….<\/p>\n

All of your food has to be prepared by a chef because you’re incapable of cooking anything that can’t either be boiled in a bag or eaten cold….<\/p>\n

You lie when people ask you what you do for a living….<\/p>\n

When leaving your phone number on a voice message you can’t just give it once, has to be repeated.<\/p>\n

When surveying open ground (when not looking for enemy in depth) you think good tank country. If a forestry block – I could get a platoon in here.<\/p>\n

You survey open ground. When you are pointing out some natural feature you begin with ‘Reference bushy topped tree etc etc’<\/p>\n

Your girlfriend has started saying ‘admin’ and gave you the ‘Chop’ when telling you to put the bin out.<\/p>\n

When meeting mates in a pub you always turn up 5 minutes early and are secretly angry that nobody else has…..Worse still, if it’s a venue you haven’t been to before, you turn up 15 minutes early to put in a CTR, in order that you are definitely there 5 minutes early.<\/p>\n

You subconsciously red-pen everything you read…..<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you\u2019re are or was squaddie, then you must be able to relate to at least 5 of these If your a Bootneck You will relate to all of them You know you’ve been Defence institutionalised (Made military) when…You use … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-380","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poems-odes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=380"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":382,"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/380\/revisions\/382"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=380"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=380"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxnwolf.com\/locknload\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=380"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}